Friend 1: “I have sugar-free, fat-free, gluten-free, salt-free wheat-free, nut-free, dairy-free, real food free, flavor and texture free, eco-friendly protein bars for every meal because I’m saving the animals and saving the plants because they have feelings too, but being this fabulously thin is just a lucky side effect.”
Friend 2: “Oh yeah? I’m on day 89 of the annual 100-day peanut butter and duct tape dress size 14 to zero cleanse and I’m in a great mood because I’m rid of all those deadly food toxins that had accumulated in my liver! Seriously, I’m not cranky.”
Friend 3: “Umph, that’s nothing! I’ve completely switched to the raw vegan organic sticks and igneous ancient European cave stones Hollywood celebrity lifestyle and I’m losing 46lbs every 8 days!”
Friend 4: “Oh please. I woke up at 2am and bench pressed my car, did 5,000 sit ups and 18,000 jumping jacks before dawn, all this before running a full marathon. I can eat whatever I want. Remember, muscle weighs more than fat!”
Friend 5 (me): “Whateva man, I guess that means you all won’t be interested in Sunday brunch at my house–spinach frittata, fresh broccoli salad, smoked salmon, berry and dark chocolate fondue, whole grain apple nut muffins and passionfruit mimosas—followed by some serious dance game shenanigans…” [Read more...]
