Sometimes being a Goddess means getting exactly what you want. So being that I am a Goddess, why the heck am I surprised when it happens! I’ve recently embarked on some personal journeys, some for growth and understanding, some for just plain silliness and amusement. With all of them I have found that I am often surprised and in recent instances flat-out shocked when everything goes my way. How is it that with all the study and meditation I put into my spiritual practise, all my belief in the power of positive energy, focus, and visualization, that this Goddess can amaze herself with her own power?

And honestly it’s not just amazement. There is no real problem in being amazed. The problem arises as this amazement is accompanied by a little fear and trepidation. It’s like running so fast you think you could fly, and then freaking completely out when you look down and your feet no longer touch the ground. Imagine the anxiety felt when the sky is the limit but your not sure what direction to go in, or worse yet, how in the world your gonna get back down. Here is where I find myself. I’m at this junction where I have willed several scenarios into being. And now it is the job, the duty of the Goddess to act responsibly, steer the ship if you will. But I don’t know a thing about flying except that I’ve always wanted to do it!

I’m laughing now as I think about it. It’s funny how one can come to a moment so self affirming and self actualized and be hurled into a spiral of self-doubt as a result of it. Being confronted with your own strength can be terrifying because you realize that the “what if” monster isn’t dead. Has not been extinguished by your confidence or valor. That even at your highest point, you can still have a moment of doubt within yourself where you question, “What if I screw this whole thing up?”. This just proves to me further that one’s biggest adversary is the one that lies within. Now what am I going to do?

This is the point where one needs to focus harder and see the visualizations to the end. This is where self-doubt is dismissed and something stronger than faith is taken up and made to surround you. I say stronger than faith because by this point you have already proven your ability. At this point it is a matter of believing it. I don’t just think I can fly, I know I can!